Standing Tall In A Foreign Land
June 27th, 2008 | Published in Journal | 11 Comments
I live in Japan, but this article could be written about my life in any country outside my native land. I suppose living in different countries brings different experiences overall, but even though each country has its own unique culture and way of doing things, in every case, I would still be a foreigner.
Like a lot of foreigners living here in Japan, when I first arrived I was full of positivity, ready to explore anything and everything Japanese. I didn’t waste a day; I spent all my free time exploring. Exploring historical sites, exploring the language, exploring the nightlife, exploring friendships and deeper relationships. It was great. But then, I hit that first inevitable lull. You know, that point where you take off those rose-tinted glasses and see everything in a slightly different light? This happened at about the five-month mark.
I didn’t deal with that first lull very well. I dragged my ass at work every day, and where there was once an abundance of compliments about my performance and energy, comments about how tired I looked took their place. I didn’t go out with my friends much and even my girlfriend put up some distance between us, no doubt induced by my less-than-inspiring behavior.
Well, as any long-term foreign resident of this country might’ve guessed, I snapped out of my funk and found myself loving life even more than I had when I first arrived. I suppose this had a lot to do with realizing that I had gotten past the first major attack of culture shock and started to feel really confident about my ability to hack it in this exciting and different land, where I didn’t really have anybody to count on except for myself.
Well, as the months rolled by and the years started to mount up, I went through several high periods as well as low periods. Of course, my experience isn’t unique. Anybody who’s lived here for several years has been through the same thing, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking more and more about the different ways people stay in the game here keeping their lives meaningful and enjoyable, or at least not regrettable.
I’ve spent most of my time in Japan living in Tokyo. Living in this city, I could never complain about having nothing to do; I think I could try something new or see something new here every day for the rest of my life and never have to repeat the experience if I didn’t want to. I meet new people all the time and feel that, overall, people are pretty friendly to me here.
But, it gets lonely sometimes, doesn’t it? People invite you out all the time and you go. You even have a good time. But, when you get back to your tiny little apartment, you often find yourself thinking, Everybody seems to know my name, but nobody really knows me at all. I wonder if they even really want to know me.
When I hit these downswings, I try to stay busy with my hobbies and other projects. But, there are those days sometimes. You know the ones… The ones where you ride the train to work in the morning and you notice an inordinate amount of disapproving stares. Maybe you were just being too sensitive, but… Then, at work you get hammered with requests and nobody seems to appreciate the fact that you’re working your ass off. And to top it off, you get a complaint from a customer or a criticism from the boss. Finally, on the way home you stop off in a convenience store for something to take home for dinner and after you’ve waited in line for the next open register for several minutes, some inconsiderate douchebag jumps in front of everyone in line because the next person was too slow in getting up to the counter. And, the cowardly clerk does nothing to set things right even though he or she is clearly disturbed by the incident. Nobody else says anything, either. So, you do. And, what happens? People look at you like you’re the asshole.
I don’t know about you, but when I have days like those, I sometimes think, hey, maybe I don’t belong here. But, I quickly realize that I’d face a different set of problems back home in terms of coping with daily life. So, during the down periods, I pick back up with studying the language again. Or, I organize a party and just invite people I can stand; No social networking or other bullshit, just good friends and good times. But, and I hate to admit it, I also hide in my apartment some weekends just to clear my head. Eventually, I rebound and find myself feeling glad that I live here. But, I always know in the back of my mind that I’ll find myself with that trapped-in-a-fishbowl feeling at some point again. As time goes on, though, I do feel that I’m getting better at dealing with the downswings.
What about you? How do you deal with low points during your life abroad?
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June 27th, 2008 at 5:57 pm (#)
I have no experiences to talk about, but I am working towards a move to Tokyo and it’s great to read an honest account. I expect I would go through similar feelings.
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June 27th, 2008 at 6:53 pm (#)
I was surrounded by so many negative people complaining about ESL, Japan, everything really, and it really got me down during my first three years.
But then I went back to England for a holiday and had an onslaught of reverse culture shock - my old friends had moved away, I got on the wrong train, I didn’t recognize the new coins and looked like an idiot, I got shouted at for holding up traffic at a pedestrian crossing, I got stranded at home in torrential rains, and had some drunk idiot scream abuse at me in the street for no reason.
Needless to say, I came back to Japan with a much more positive attitude, and have never looked back. So how do I deal with the low points of living in Japan? I remind myself of the even lower points of living in England!
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June 27th, 2008 at 7:55 pm (#)
I don’t have the experience of living abroad as you do. But I can relate to a lot of what you’re say ing and how you’ve felt since I’m both British and Pakistani and do not feel completely ‘at home’ in either culture - there is always a sense of being on the outside. But there are benefits too.
I imagine Tokyo could be quite a culture shock for most people.
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June 27th, 2008 at 10:40 pm (#)
Good post Billy and I understand your feelings exactly! Of course I’ve moved back to Canada now, but you know there really is reverse culture shock. Oh the highs and lows of life!
To conquer it all I say you just have to party with your friends. I tell ya, if I didn’t have my family and friends I’d be nothing! Thankfully I do, so that makes me barely just something!
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June 29th, 2008 at 7:08 am (#)
I think that living in Japan can be a lonely experience at times and really forces you to look inside yourself to find your strength. Overall Japan is a great place to be but I think foreigners often lack a built in support system (friends & family who have know then for years)that would make dealing with some of the challenges a little bit easier. Whether you stay in Japan forever or end up somewhere else the strength that you gain from the experience go with you - that’s the good thing!
I’ve been in the situations that you describe a few times and can relate to the culture shock of going back ‘home’ too!
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June 29th, 2008 at 9:06 am (#)
[...] on how important it is not to let yourself fall into rut during these times. Check out the post at Billy West Evolution. J-List is a peaceful island of Japanese pop culture for you « Saiko no Natsu - The [...]
June 29th, 2008 at 9:36 am (#)
Nice post Billy and the first one i’ve read on the back of pressing publish on my latest post …. re Social Networking.
Agree with much of what you’ve said, specifically “Everybody seems to know my name, but nobody really knows me at all” … i find friendships in Japan to be very different than back home … nowhere near as close for me. For me there’s no visiting mates houses, hanging out during the day, going to watch sports that filled my weekends and week nights in Australia. I think the housing and geography has a lot to do with it here. Luckily for me i like my own company and don’t get down that much if at all. I always look at what made me move here and the times i’ve gone home as much as i love it i know i’ve made the right decision living in Japan … for now anyway.
Enjoyable read as always Billy.
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Thanks, Neil
And, that social networking post was a great idea. It always helps to see how people are doing it and what tools they use. I also like the “bar” method, myself.
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July 14th, 2008 at 12:49 am (#)
Billy,
You’re brave and tough to write what you did. Especially about the lonliness and the need for time alone to clear your head, as you say.
Your experience is shared by a certain friend of mine, a Japanese woman in her early 30s who has returned to Japan from northern Europe after 10 years. She goes through all the same highs and lows as any stranger to Japan, and gets frustrated by the differences between the cultures. She’s adjusting beautifully, two years on.
Me, I go through a lot of what you describe. Bad days when I feel like I’m being rubber-necked or stared down, and good days when people my friends and teachers talk about things that matter.
Honestly, I think I’d feel the sense of being alone if I were to return to my hometown Vancouver. I’d have to start fresh, meet new people, and try to grok and catch up with the ever-changing cultural landscape of that city.
Gambarimasho
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Yeah, Liz, I know what you mean. I never get to the point where I feel like going home, either. But, that sense of being in limbo sometimes hits me.
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July 30th, 2008 at 7:17 am (#)
I am a foreign guy from Nepal studying and working in USA and I exactly know the minority paranoia i got when i got here
When I got here, my English was poor.. people hardly understood me.. and on top of that they were annoyed with my pronunciation..
i know the frustration, loneliness, and everything that comes with it.. and if you want my advice, hang out a lot of non-Japaneses friends with similar situation
Been almost 2 years now.. and i feel the times are finally changing.. got some good friends, good job, good education..i feel more confident as if i am now a part of this city .. and vice-versa
Or maybe it’s just my antidepressant
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